Lainey’s

the other day, i met up with someone, because she was gonna leave. she's going to Switzerland to finish her degree. from breakfast became brunch, and it lasted till lunchtime. we sat there and ate, and talk, then ate more, and talked more. and i realized that we have lost touch. and i didn't know so much that happened in her life. we used to be so close.

:( one friend that i didn't make an effort to keep in touch with. she asked me out many times. but i was always busy. but i never made plans in advance and make a date with her. i feel bad. sigh.

*

today, someone was near my office, and i left work, and met up with her. and we started talking and catching up. there are so much things that i didn't know was going on in her life.

another friend. that i didn't make effort to keep in touch with. we used to see each other almost everyday. and we talk everyday

*
just now i was at a friend's birthday and i was talking to his parents. and i realized i knew him since i was 10 years old. which is a wonder really. means our friendship is already 11 years old. we're both 21. its weird. such old friends, yet we're such strangers around each other.

a whole bunch of high school friends were there. one of them asked, why was i missing in action, and didn't go out with them anymore? i used to drink with them so often.

i dunno. i couldn't answer.

*
then i realized.

this other friend. that calls me almost every weekend. to go out yamcha, to join their gang for drinking, movies etc. i always tell him i'm busy. and suggest for the following week. and when he calls, i'm busy. again.
:(

*
this other girl friend. one of my bestie in college.
i haven't seen her in ages. we used to talk everyday. without fail. but i got so caught up with things in my life. and she got so busy with so many things in her life.
i think we drifted apart already.

*
is this all my fault?
i think it is. i let things drift apart.i let friendships loose. and i don't think i put that much effort to treasure them. i let people down. all because of a selfish man that wants to keep me to himself. and i let him do it.

i try to split my time with him, my family, and my closest friends.

trying to juggle that, i became really careless, and let other good friends turn into acquaintances. i don't want these to happen. i treasure friendships a lot. i don't want to loose the people around me. and i realized, i am loosing them, one by one.

i'm sorry.

how could i live without them here at home? :)

.future bumming tais tais wtf.

.one of those really awesome nights!.

.lawyer. .hottie. bummer.

.what we ABSOLUTELY cannot live without.

.my do-nothing-bum-around-camwhore-with sayang!.

what made me smile.

port melbourne. my favorite place. ever.

.high on koko black!.

.tunnel of light wtf.

.winery.

.my last night out.

when i first heard this song,
i fell in love with it.

the first time i heard it,
was when i landed in melbourne,
and i stepped into allan's car.
coz they came to pick me up.

it was awesome.
i was so wide awake.
and everything around me is new.
and it was something i love.
then this song played in his radio.

it's like it was meant to be.
the song sounded like a total freedom

yeah.
exactly why i like the song.
because the person singing it,
made the song sound so powerful

its like
i can do whatever i want
and i am powerful

i can be what i want.

i wanna be what i want.
i really do.

i fell in love with both at the same time
i fell in love with everything.

with the place.
with the song..

with the freedom i always longed for.

tagged by mr sern liang (who loves chicken bones btw)

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1) i love the color purple
2) i haven't been really happy for a long while
3) i wanna earn a 5 figure salary by the time i'm 30
4) i really wanna study in a real campus, somewhere far from msia
5) i love dancing with my girls to rnb
6) i have eczema
7) i'm 2-3kg away from loosing 20kg (YA LAH I WAS THAT FAT LAH)

7 THINGS THAT SCARES ME:
1) my heart getting broken
2) my loved ones being hurt
3) worms coming out my butt (sern liang why you so disgusting wan?!)
4) my boss HAHAHAHAHAHA
5) being shouted at, and not having a chance to talk
6) having no money and no love
7) bugs like cockroach and worms wtf

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
1) always be my baby- david cook
2) i'm yours- jason mraz
3) in love with my best friend- jason mraz & colbie callait
4) stupid for you- marie digby
5) take a bow- rihanna
6) mercy- duffy
7) love in this club- usher

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1) buh-loo-dy- hell!
2) helooooooow
3) huh?
4) fuck -_-
5) watafak watafak wtf
6) YOHHHHH
7) okay

7 THINGS I TREASURE THE MOST:
1) my loved ones
2) myself wtf
3) my friends
4) my possessions (what is mine is mine!)
5) my FUTURE TIFFANYs from ah-hem
6) his kisses
7) money wtf (very important ok!)

7 “FIRST TIME” THINGS I EVER DID:
1) first everything to him
2) drove.... skidded my car, couldn't stop it from spinning, gripped the steering and chanted "imgonnadieimgonnadie"
3) partying with my loves! (skanking too, hahahah!)
4) earn my own paycheque
5) cried so heart, and i never knew heartache could hurt so much
6) found my soulmate (hello, where is my tiffanys?)-no its not who you think
7) drinking beer like a man, using my hands to eat chicken wings and fries wtf (so macho wtf)

7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS:
siapa pun boleh.

Gluttony

1. Do you think you eat more than you should?
Yes, most of the time. hahahaha, gluttony gets the best of me wtf. i do try very very hard to limit myself tho. but sometimes, i gotta cut myself some slack.

2. What is your favorite meal?
comfort food. i guess its great when i get to satisfy my cravings. and trust me, i have a lot.

3. What did you have for dinner today (or yesterday)?
fried rice with some fish. very cina lol!

4. What is your favorite dessert?
super chocolatey stuff. like really really really chocolatey!

5. Can you cook well?
not too bad, if i say so myself. i can bake.. some stuffs. haha!

6. Are you a fruit or veggie person?
more of apples and broccoli wtf. my 2 favs.

7. What is your favorite restaurant to go to?
places with good italian food, tho i find myself eating less of it. i guess good sushi places. really love sushi groove. i don't eat raw foodstuffs tho.

8. Do you feel comfortable with your weight?
definitely not. i wanna loose another 15kgs wtf. lost 15 adi ok, don't play play wtf.

9. Are you vegetarian or vegan?
no, i can't live without my daily intake of meat.

10. Describe your normal eating habits.
breakfast in the car while stuck in the jam. coffee. coffee. lunch. coffee. coffee. dinner. ribena :p

Lust

1. How much do you find yourself thinking about sex?
whenever i think of jude law, chace crawford, brad pitt or nicholas tse wtf. oh yeah, sometimes mark walhberg. and lol someone. itchibawa wtf.

2. Are you a virgin?
try guessing. i dunno.

3. If not, who did you lose your virginity to and when?
try guessing. i dunno. wtf.

4. Do you believe you should be in love to have sex?
yes definitely. its like how i'll have sex with nic tse coz i love him wtf.

5. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
noooopes. aku baik wtf. i only look, but never touch.

6. What the first thing you look for in a boy/girl?
his butt. HAHAHAHA. the way he walks.

7. Do you have any special fantasies?
tee hee giggles wtf. that's not for you to know.

8. Have you been in lust more than love?
not really. well sorta. yeah it started with lust, then it lead to love.

9. Would you have sex with more than one person?
at the same time? yeah i'll do it with JT and jessica biel coz i love her as well.

10. Who have you lust for?
jessica biel wtf. jude law. chace crawford. brad pitt. mark walhberg. and most importantly nic tse.

Greed

1. What do you want more than anything right now?
to loose weight.

2. Does money play an important part of your life?
of course it does wtf. it definitely does. i have my future to think of you know *whispers to stacy and manda.. tais tais wtf*

3. What are your goals for the future?
to be a tai tai. heeheehawhaw. to be able to earn more than i can spend definitely.

4. Do you think money is more important than love?
erm. sometimes.. actually most of the time yeah. i cannot survive on love alone. i don't wanna stay in rumah atap and lubangs in the roof. and wear last season's manolo blahniks wtf did i spell that correctly?

5. If you were given one million dollars right now, what would you do with it?
put aside erm. ok 40% on family, 10% on friends, and 50 % for myself hahahahahhahaa!

6. Has anyone ever called you spoiled or greedy?
not really. i don't have much to be greedy of except for men wtf.

7. Do your parents have a lot of money?
not really. there's a reason why i can't go to US for my degree you know wtf.

8. How much money do you spend in one week?
hopefully not much. but i've been spending a lot on workclothes. usually i spend on lunches and weekends outing with friends.

9. Do/would you share with people that are less fortunate?
i would if i could afford. after all, i should love myself the most. so i should take care of myself first. so selfish, but its human nature to be self centered.

10. Have you ever robbed someone?
hahahha i wish la. then got extra money wtf but i was robbed before so its quite sad actually.

Sloth
1. Have many people called you lazy?
yes! hahahahahhaha many many many times.

2. How much sleep do you get at night?
erm, maybe around 4-5 hours on average.i get naps here and there. when i used to bum around sigh sigh.

3. Do you often take naps in the middle of the day?
not now anymore with 4 cups of coffee everyday. can't nap in the office you know.

4. What was the most depressing time of your life?
erm. many moments, but i wouldn't count as super depressing.

5. What is the best way to relax?
read. curl up in bed and read.

6. Would you consider yourself more of a follower or leader?
leader. hohohohohoho.

7. Would you consider yourself a caring person?
ye definitely. i am so kind wtf.

8. What time do you go to bed at night?
its getting earlier every night. working sucks that way.

9. What do you waste most of your time doing?
in the car singing and dancing and getting weird stares. coz i'm stuck in a traffic laaaaa. i waste a lot of time online reading useless blogs and doing stupid surveys such as these.

10. Would you rather go out somewhere or stay home?
depends if i wanna spend time with ppl, or i wanna spend time alone.

Wrath

1. Who was the last person you were upset with?
that fella la that one.

2. Do you hate anyone?
that cibai la that one.

3. Are you angry a lot?
not really.i'm generally a happy person.

4. What was the last thing that made you mad?
i'm generally a happy person. can't remember getting mad.oh yah. i was mad. at that fella la that one.

5. Have you even been in a physical fight with someone?
yeah with my brothers. i used to trash them.. but now they're taller and stronger, and i could only play the weak sister wtf.

6. Has there been a time that you wanted to seek revenge?
nopes. i'm nice that way.

7. What is your biggest pet peeve?
slow people.

8. How do you express your anger and frustration?
cry. cry. cry. scream. bang the bolster against the wall. why am i so cute wtf.

9. Is it easy for you to forgive?
very very easy. sigh.

Envy
1. Who are you most jealous of?
jessica biel. she has the best body and the hottest boy wtf JT.

2. What is something you want that your best friend has?
which best friend. their hot bodies wtf.

3. What is one thing you think you are lacking in life?
hot body wtf.

4. Do you think of yourself as an envious person?
sorta kinda.

5. How would you consider yourself lucky?
yeah i guess i am quite lucky.

6. Unlucky?
sometimes.

7. Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?
nopes. no no no. that's just silly. i feel sorry for ppl who feel sorry for themselves tho.

8. Overall, do you think you have everything you need?
noooopes. you think i'm so easily satisfied? wtf.

9. Is there anyone that has been envious of you?
yeah there that cibai there.

10. Do you want a better life than what you have?
of course. i would wanna be much better off than this. i haven't found my nirvana yet. or whatchamacallit? that top place in maslow's hierarchy? self actualization yes. i haven't found that yet.

Pride

1. What is your best physical feature?
muh sexay lips wtf. maybe my nose. its not very sharp, but its not very flat. it used to be my boobs, but now its not.. very .. flautable anymore sigh.

2. What do you like most about your personality?
that i'm generally a happy person and i forgive really easily.

3. How much time do you take to get ready in the morning?
around 20-30 mins including makeup hair and deciding what to wear. if i have to include shower its another story wtf.

4. Do you wear a lot of make-up?
powder, eyeliner, eyebrow liner (coz i have naked eyebrowssss wtf), mascara. lip balm. tadah!

5. How often do you go shopping?
as often as i can. so sad right, no money still wanna shop. mengada betul!

6. Are your looks very important to you?
most of the time yes. i think everyone should bring out the best in themselves. just coz they're ugly or fat or something, doesn't mean they can't look good. its all about the package now. i was fatter and uglier. but exercise and make up came along wtf. so there isn't anything such as ugly nor fat, its just lazy.

7. Would you ever like to be a model?
if i'm ever skinny enough, why not? just stand there and can earn lotsa moolah. don't need to use brain wtf. smile a bit, pout a bit.

8. What could be improved about your body?
skinnier please thanks. i don't wanna be skinny la ok i wanna be jessica biel.

9. Do you think that you’re better than others?
definitely better than some ppl...

10. What is your most embarrassing moment?
hahahahahaha. i dunno. ask my friends. *shy*

i want all of you to do this please i wanna read your answers! no blog then do here on the comment okok mwahs!
 

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
[Nothing Lasts Forever lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

if i find out another truth that will hurt me, pray that i'm strong enough to walk away.

Taken from Jaelicious

1. What was your dream when you were a small kid?
That i was in the TV with those tvb actors wtf. i had no dreams. i was carefree and i just wanted to have fun everyday.

2. What is the happiest thing in your whole life?
there are many happy moments which i can't think off now. blame the memory. but there are things that i think back and smile to myself.

3. What do you wish to have now?
right now? i wish to have ... a skinnier body. wtf.

4. What you haven't try before?
many many stuff. like bungee jumping. i am so gonna try that, just you wait. ;)

5. What have you realized recently?
that i can't just bum around forever =_= sigh sigh sigh.

6. Do you think a day which consist of 24 hours is enough for you?
most of the time, yeah. most of the time. but if its too much, i wouldn't know how to utilize it properly anyway.

7. When you have something which you are unhappy about, what will you do?
lie on the bed and stone. just.. stone. sometimes, i write it all out.

8. What are you afraid of the most?
losing the people around me.

9. Do you think that you feel helpless, or useless sometimes?
sadly, yeah. most of the time, i know i can control the situation, but one wrong step just ruin everything.

10. When you meet someone that you like, will you profess or hide your feeling?
not exactly profess la, but show it like i mean it :)

11.List out 3 kind of people you hate the most.
hypocrites. i HATE hypocrites. i hate them, because they are.. such hypocrites. yes, sometimes i'm a hypocrite myself, and i hate myself during the times that i'm a hypocrite.
people who whine and don't do anything about it.
show offs wtf. there are so many show offs that i wanna slap them in their face. they are such pretenders and liars, yet trying to show off wtf. they deserve slaps from everyone.

12. What is loneliness?
well, i wouldn't say loneliness is when you're alone. coz sometimes, being alone is actually a choice. loneliness is when you can't connect with anyone around you. you may be in a crowded area.. but when you can't connect... its quite sad, really.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now?
almost. i am almost satisfied with my life right now. there are areas for improvement :)

14. When was the most recent time you felt touched?
when my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. i cried okay. i teared, but didn't let it flow because i wanted to act macho, and didn't wanna ruin my makeup. muahahahhaha. and when i received the music box :)

15. Where is the place that you visited and you felt the most beautiful?
club med. every club med is beautiful to me.

16. Do you feel that you're beautiful/handsome now?
hahaha. i wouldn't say that i am beautiful. but someone else finds me beautiful, and i think that's enough :)

17. If you have one wish that'll come true, what is it?
to have enough money to just bum and travel all over the world.

18. Do you have anything to worry or to be scared about recently?
there are many worries everyday, and there are things to be scared off. but it all depends on how am i gonna handle it, and i think i'm handling it alright.

19. If the World is going to end, what will you do?
cry. because we haven't achieved world peace wtf.

20. Your thoughts of the moment?
need to go shower. lol.